By Leah Plank
Director of Triple P Elkhart County

We are often at our worst when we’re feeling the worst. Feeling overwhelmed, tired, depressed, angry, dissatisfied, or all of the above (plus some!) makes it difficult for us to be present for our jobs, our friends, and our family.

April is Child Abuse Prevention Month, and while I’ve worked in child and family-facing services long enough to know nobody likes talking about the mistreatment of children, I also know every parent I worked with over the years felt at least some of the difficult feelings I listed above, and many of them were ready to start the healing process. What do I do to feel better about myself? To feel more capable, more calm, more connected to my children and my family? To not feel so stressed and on-edge all the time?

At Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, we know all parents struggle with difficult feelings and challenges sometimes. We reassure parents that they’re not alone in these struggles. We help them understand it’s normal to look for guidance as parents; nobody naturally knows everything there is to know about raising children! We provide strategies for parenting that people can choose from, adapt, and get “quick wins” with their kids, starting the process of feeling (and being!) more confident and competent. Just that first “win” has incredible power to change a person’s perspective, to give them hope!

Of course, there are so many factors in helping an overwhelmed parent become the empowered positive parent they are capable of. By attending a workshop, a parent starts to recognize, fully, that they are not alone. They are encouraged to seek out other community connections to broaden their network of friends and supportive people (and help their children have more friends as well). They start to feel more capable of taking care of their own needs and responsibilities. They implement a parenting strategy at home that really resonates with their children, and leads to more positive behavior and connection. The wins start to pile up!

This is how Triple P supports parents in building the five Protective Factors: parental resilience, social connections, knowledge of parenting and child development, concrete support in times of need, and social and emotional competence of children. I previously wrote about how Protective Factors build people, families, and communities more capable of raising healthy, happy children free of abuse and neglect. In the last year, Triple P Elkhart County has been proud to plug into a movement that lets every single one of us build the Protective Factors and overall well being of our community: The Self-Healing Communities Collective.

Self-Healing Communities Collective is a South Bend-based nonprofit that works “to teach everyone in our community to take care of themselves and each other in a way that prioritizes caring for the nervous system.” It’s a model of community empowerment created in the 1990s in Washington state that brings together understanding of neuroscience and human resilience with research and understanding about the effects of trauma and healing on people of all ages.

Although that may sound a bit complex, what it boils down to is this: The best thing any of us can do for one another is take care of ourselves. Like the pre-flight instructions about making sure your own oxygen mask is secure in the event of a crash before you help anyone else secure their masks, we understand that you have to be able to take care of your own needs before you help anyone else, even your own children. To use another metaphor, parents who abuse or neglect their children, in many circumstances, have been trying to pour from empty cups for a long time.

The bad news is that this trauma, left unaddressed, has deeply negative effects on the health and well being of children as they grow, even decades later, and can also affect future generations. The great news is that the damage is reversible, and if we all put our own oxygen masks on through focusing on our own Protective Factors – on our own self-care, our own mental health, and so forth – we naturally start to build the connections and networks of Self-Healing Community that help all children and adults heal trauma and build resilience.

Triple P Elkhart County is excited about the potential to increase our impact through being part of this movement. As a member of the Self-Healing Communities Collective board of directors, I invite everyone to learn more about our coalition online at www.selfhealingmichiana.org. Whether you have any interest in getting involved in the movement itself or not, there are many free resources on that site for learning and for self-healing. We are working on ways to spread the word and get connected to more organizations and groups that can use this framework in their own missions; if you are interested in learning more, reach out!

This Child Abuse Prevention Month, I am hopeful we can strengthen our community connections to support more people than ever before in a journey toward building Protective Factors and self-healing. Together, we can create a future where every child in our community knows they are safe, loved, and valued!

Leah Plank is the Director of Triple P Elkhart County and has worked in family service in our community for two decades. She can be reached at lplank@heaindiana.org.